reasons

i think people might think that am crazy. posting and didnt want anyone to see. but i dont know. i just think that its my blog and i just want to read it on my own sometimes.

and here's the thing. i think many of my best friends or even jeslin herself might think that i want to be with her. but i guess you guys are wrong, especially my besti. guys, am not wanting to make her fall for me or be touched or whatever by giving her chocolates. its just, she wrote it in her blog and obviously i know its just joking. but something inside me tells me to give it to her be it she likes it or not. it just tell me to go get a few boxes for her. its just as simple as that. it didnt even cross my mind that once i gave it to her, she will like"wah!" then fall for me. then we are together. its not the case. i just want to give it to her. no other thoughts or motive. as simple as that. its just like giving a present to your mother without an occasion.

secondly, even if jeslin love me now. i dont want to be with her. i want her to feel the feeling of being chased, the feeling of being special and the feeling of love. guys, i know you will be laughing at me cause thats so secondary school. but you guys look back at me when i was in secondary. i was such a flirt although i didnt admit it. i didnt know the feeling of chasing a girl or coaxing a girl. you guys get the point? i know i used to say this. DONT READ ME LIKE AN OPEN BOOK CAUSE I AINT A FAIRYTALE. but i really want my gf and me to have a tale to talk about. to be proud about. to be able to tell others how we first met and all. i dont want my relationship now to be just a casual. put it in a ugly word. fuck and ditch her. i want it to almost perfect. and am trying very hard to make it happen. thats why sometimes i get pissed off when you guys says that i just want to chased jeslin or am doing too much. because you guys aint me. you guys dont know how i feel or what i want.

and i dont know if jeslin msn nick is talking about me. but if its so. i just want to tell you. am not making you feel touch. even if at the end of the day, you rejected me. i will still feel a little happy. cause at least there's one girl in my life that makes me go to a extend to do so much things for her. and i'm very serious about quiting smoking. no girl ever made me quit smoking before except for one which made me quit for 3 months. and i really want to show you how special jeslin is to me, and i dont know how to do that but quit the thing i kind of like the most. smoking. sometimes i feel so so so so lost. because i never really chased a girl before and i dont know what am doing is right or wrong. whether its irritating or not. whether she likes or doesnt. and sometimes i wonder if am doing all this for who? she doesnt seem interested in my life or what i do. sometimes i just feel an emptiness inside me. i think KJ knows what am talking about. this emptiness. it really makes one go crazy to the max. and i really really want to know how you feel towards me. i meant fuck. your blog doesnt even writes about me. and i try to meet you every time, i dont know if she hates it or what. and i dont want to be an elephant skin. but sometimes i just want to see her smile in front of me. idk why. but end of the day. i still want to say this. i will try to love you my whole life jeslin ho jia ling.

reasons

spill.

obvious