feeling so down lately. hias. how i wish jeslin would love me one day. i really treat her super good. because of huifang. i feel that i own her so much so much. i feel so guilty and the only way that would make me less guilty is to treat another girl super good. i know many people will hate me or say bad things. but i feel that this is the only way. i feel so hopeless. will be working at ritz calton till my enlistment.